You Know You're in Loughborough

Kurt Jarram is in the final year of his combined honours degree in English with Sociology.

You know you're in Loughborough

When all you can see is concrete.

Faded, 80s concrete.

Some perhaps still adorned with whatever slogan of that era -

The time when my parents were the age I am now.

Breeze block and red brick bare half-faded memories of dead voices.

You know you're in Loughborough

When the walls have started to forget.

You know you're in Loughborough

When there's places that you do not go.

It’s a town of fences.

A guy like me goes to Keats Way, I'm dead.

Goes up Sharpley Road end

I'm not coming back. Not intact at least.

You know you're in Loughborough

When you know exactly what's around the corner.

You know you're in Loughborough when what the rapist did to em

Is too terrible to put in the papers.

My friend worked with him.

A lovely guy. Shy, reserved, the kind you'd let walk you home at night.

You know you're in Loughborough

When it's the person you least suspect.

You know you're in Loughborough

When they tell you to take pride in local history,

Yet no-one speaks of Morrell’s dismembered limbs.

Perhaps he'll become a local legend,

Brass plaques all over town.

Behold, here under Belton Road Bridge,

Where his head was found.

I spoke to him two days before he was killed,

and I stand by my opinion that he was an arse;

That's what you get if you mess around with smack dealers.

You know you're in Loughborough

when brown is more treasured than blood.

You know you're in Loughborough

when every backdrop starts to look the same.

Pub, takeaway, pub, pub, takeaway, nightclub, takeaway, casino, pub, casino, takeaway, pub.

Like a Scooby-Doo chase scene.

Why does a town this size have,

two MacDonald's, two Subways, two Pizza Huts, three Showboats, seven bookies,

But only one place where you can buy music?

You know you're in Loughborough

When you can get anything that you want, but nothing that you'll keep.

You know you're in Loughborough

When people can't decide if you're a gay Goth, or a Gothic gay.

Spell it, you twat.

‘G-O-F-F, GOFF!’

(That actually happened.)

If you wear both a black shirt and black jeans,

You must be an Emo.

You know you're in Loughborough

When everyone knows what you are, except you.

You know you're in Loughborough

When things stop making sense.

Another statue gets put up,

Gets knocked down.

They spend thousands on flower-beds,

They get dashed under the wheels of joy-riders.

Another person you know

Has a kid, gets beaten up, goes mad,

Gets sent to prison, kills themselves,

Dies becoming a martyr to an unknown cause.

This town worships death.

When you die everyone knew and liked you.

You know you're in Loughborough

When you realise that you no longer belong.