SELF-RESPECT

Charlotte Gadd-Henderson

John broke up with his girlfriend Claire for being too boring. She had been angry with him but moved out without much fuss. He thought that was the end of it.
       A couple of days later, he noticed his car was making more noise than normal, so he took it to the garage. Following an inspection, John was met with a very confused mechanic.
       ‘How the hell did you get marbles in the fuel tank?’
       ‘What? Why do you think I did that?’
       ‘Dunno, mate, people do all kinds of insane things when drunk.’
       ‘I don’t drink, haven’t for years. Nobody I know would ever touch my Mitsubishi Mirage.’
       ‘Beats me then, they don’t just get in there by themselves.’
       John got home and found a note dated the night before on his front porch. ‘Sorry, forgot my watch charger. Just came to grab it.’
       A week passed and John was still rattled by what happened with the marbles when he discovered his car had been covered from top to bottom in rubber ducks. Every single one of them was glued firmly in place so there was no way John could get them off without damaging the paint.
       Lodged between some of the ducks on the windshield was another note, dated the night before. John grabbed it. ‘Sorry, forgot my self-respect. Just came to grab it.’