SATURDAY

Ashley Chantler

Sam’s on his sofa with a brew and a roll-up.
He’s done most of the Guardian, in order:

What’s On (the week’s TV; not podcasts);
Feast (Dent’s review of a restaurant somewhere;
never the recipes or Ottolenghi’s offerings);
Sport (football, snooker, men’s tennis, darts);
Journal (the concluding letters, which might be amusing;
an obituary if it might also be);
Saturday (‘Q&A’, ‘Experience’, ‘Flashback’,
‘Books’, ‘Blind Date’, ‘On Modern Life’).

Sam sometimes thinks he’d like to be his brother:
on all fours, having Anusol rubbed into his ring
by an occasionally patient girlfriend.